So not too long ago, my husband looked at me, took a deep breath and asked if he could talk to me about something. I immediately tensed up. What could this be about? It couldn’t be good. When does good news ever follow statements like, “We need to talk.” I knew why he was being extra cautious in approaching me with whatever was on his mind. Sometimes I can be a bit of an, er, crazy prego. I admit it. So as I watched his jaw tense up and his back arch, I made a silent vow to take whatever he told me with a grain of salt and to not, under any condition, fly off the handle…
I think we need to hire a housekeeper.
Now many women might feel like this was good news. They might smile and give their significant other a giant hug and cry tears of joy as thoughts of cleaning the toilet bowl became a distant memory. Well, I guess I’m not many women…
What????
So much for my silent vow.
For me, I heard it as you aren’t cleaning the house enough (and in truth, I probably wasn’t) and someone else can do it better. I heard that I’d failed. And for someone who works from home, did I really have an excuse to not be able to block out enough time in my schedule to spray some Tilex here and there?
In the end, I reluctantly agreed. My husband assured me it was about my pregnancy (and admittedly, it was getting hard to bend over to scrub things) and not at all about any dust I’d missed. And the cleaning crew has since visited us twice. In fact, they’re coming over today. So in anticipation of their arrival and because I cannot bear to face them as they do a job I feel I should be doing, I’ve moved locations to Starbucks to write this blog post and many others. And I will hope that over time my cleaning lady guilt will fade and I’ll come to cherish and appreciate that we have people that can help. In the meantime, here are some ways that I plan to deal with my guilt.
1. Straighten up the house before the cleaning crew arrives
Maybe if I make the bed and clean off the kitchen counter tops, I won’t feel so bad.
2. Use the time that they are cleaning to do something productive
Having my house cleaned by someone else frees up more time for me. Not to go get a pedicure, but to cross a thing or two off my mile-long to-do list.
3. Be thankful for the help
Let’s face it. Am I really going to have the time or energy to clean the wood floors when I’m trying to figure out how to change a diaper?
4. Let go
I need to admit that I can’t do it all. No one can. Except maybe Superwoman.
5. Happily kiss the toilet brush good bye
Well, not literally of course! But why not get on board with this and say Hasta la vista, Baby to all the cleaning supplies, products, fumes and frustration that comes along with squirting and scrubbing and polishing?
We have a cleaning woman two days a week. Like you, I felt guilty about it at first. I would practically clean my whole house right before she arrived. After all, it was uncomfortable enough to be sitting around while someone else cleaned your house.
After a while, I just let it go. I’m busy. I work hard. I can afford it. I deserve a cleaning woman.
It allows me to spend more time with the kids too.
I still find myself picking up all the dirty clothes and maybe doing a load of laundry or two before she arrives, but I don’t feel guilty anymore for having her.
That sounds promising! After they’ve been coming for a while, I’ll check in with you and let you know how I’m adjusting!
I had no guilt when I had a cleaning lady and miss having one, but now that I am a stay at home, bon bon eating, soap opera watching gold-digger, I have no excuse not to clean my own house.
I did, however, have a cleaning lady when I was a Peace Corps volunteer. She was not very good and the low point was when I discovered she was using my potato brush to scrub the toilet:
http://bestofcf.blogspot.com/2009/08/amelia-bedelia.html