My relationship with my father-in-law is complicated. When I married my husband it was well-known that he was having an affair with a married 
woman. Being a married man himself- to my mother-in-law who at the time was stricken with multiple sclerosis- I guess he felt, which he boasted to my husband and anyone else who would let him bend their ear, that her deteriorating condition and sexuality left him little choice but to satisfy his roving eye.
Shortly after we married, my mother-in-law fell ill to lung cancer which ultimately claimed her life. All through her secondary illness- my father-in-law kept up his not so secret affair as my mother-in-law languished at home with a hospice nurse. No extreme measures were taken to prolong her life; no experimental cancer treatments as my father-in-law had informed us that she was too ill to survive any invasive treatments and it was best for her illness to run its course.
When she passed away my father-in-law's marred girlfriend came to pay her respects. Of course I wanted to give her a good back hand - but my husband thought better of it- and politely asked his father, to request that she leave the premises.
It's been 10 years since my mother-in-law's passing and my father-in-law has continued his affair with this married woman- and actually hangs out with her, her husband and their grandchildren on a daily basis. I guess you can say I'm a bit bitter, but I feel justified in my bitterness being that we live less than a five minute drive from his home and he sees my kids, his biological grandkids, maybe three times a year.
Well he's recently been diagnosed with a very aggressive form of melanoma- and to be perfectly honest I want nothing to do with him. My husband thinks it’s my duty to visit him, and play nice. I'm not buying it. Am I a horrible person?
You tell us: What's your relationship with your in-laws like? Good, bad or indifferent?
Follow RealMomsGuide on Twitter and friend RealMomsGuide on Facebook.About the author: Melissa Chapman is a NYC-based RealMomsGuide contributing mommy blogger, who also contributes to SheKnows, writes a weekly newspaper column, blogs and contributes feature articles for a variety of media, and is a mom to the three loves of her life- her daughter, her son and her ShihTzu Mellie.
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While I do feel everything your saying, I do think that not for the father-in-law, but your husband you should be there. That being said your husband should know that you are there only for him, and not his dad. and he should not be expect you to make peace with him. while some may feel that you should just make nice with the old man I tend to disagree. I do feel everyone should be given a chance to make amends for their past, i don't think one's death bed is the time to do it.
Listen, you don't need to adore or love or even respect your father in law. But think about your husband and what kind of pain he must be in watching his father die. This is a man who raised your husband since he was a baby. I know my parents aren't perfect, but when they are dying, I sure hope my husband supports me in the grieving process.
He chose to live the way he lives. He obviously hasn't wanted a relationship with you and your children if he lives 5 minutes away and sees your family 3 times a year. I wouldn't put forth the effort for this selfish man. Why should you go visit him cuz he's dying now. He didn't visit you when he wasn't dying. Is he suddenly coming knocking on your door? And what's wrong with the married girlfriend's husband? That's just a whack family.
It doesn't really matter whether you have a relationship with your father-in-law or not. You never had one; you never wanted one. But your husband does have a relationship with him, he's his son. that will never change. So you should be there for your husband whenever and however he needs you. He is going through a difficult time now, His dad is dying, he will never see his dad again. he needs you now more than ever. You chose your husband. you've built a life together. It is crucial, especially at this most difficult time to express your support and be there for your husband, in anyway he requires (even if that means playing nice).
i hear your pain..in-laws can be great or they can be the most horrible things on earth..u want them so badly to luv your kids because they r in essence part of them, and when they have very little to do with them, it is extremely painful for and for your children. That being said, eventhough you want nothing to do with him he is still your husbands father and that will never change-i would try and be the better person and know in your heart that he is wrong, but to just try and understand where your husband is coming from
wow! very powerful! It'shard when people always want us to do the "right thing", but in our hearts we know that the right thing is completely opposite from what is expected of us! follow your convictions. It's hard but your heart will always tell you what to do. I firmly believe in following it! It's so wonderful how you share personal stories, allowing others to come away with their own important message. Thank you, Melissa!
He is a monster-in-law-- but I think I've resented him ever since iImet him, and the fact that he was carrying on an affair while my mother-in-law was sick. His actions have always disgusted me. Yes--"Sounds like a sad ending to a life that was never full to begin with"
I have a Monster-in-law that wants nothing to do with my kids too so I understand that pain. Sounds like a sad ending to a life that was never full to begin with...
